Why I'm Probably Right

So I’m on a flight to Vegas for a short holiday with family and let me start by saying that travel is something I normally enjoy immensely. I mean all of it – from the airport, to the crappy little charter flights, to the adventures that will continue to ensue when I arrive at my destination. All of it. Yeah, I’m one of those.

And being stuck in the country waiting on a marriage visa while they hold my passport hostage, well, one would imagine I would especially enjoy travel now more than ever.

But then there’s my monkey brain. Always overthinking. Always panicking. Always determined to turn every happy decision I make into a ball of anxiety with a pretty bow on top, right down to what movie I rent (yes people still do that) to buying myself a new shade of nail polish (kidding I bite my nails down to nothing).

Unfortunately when you’re waiting for permanent permission to leave the country and leave your life behind you, I’ve discovered traveling is more along the lines of going out to McDonald’s the week before you have plans for a big fancy ass steak dinner. 

You’re waiting in line and then.. You close your eyes and suddenly you can imagine that fancy ass steak you’re going to get next week. You can practically hear it sizzle and OH GOD THE JUICINESS.

Then, suddenly, you begin to second guess yourself. Should I really order this steak? It’s not because it isn’t a fancy ass steak, and not because you don’t want to devour every morsel of that fancy ass steak, but because it’s customary for you to second guess anything that involves you making a decision because based on your track record in life you really suck at doing that. Do you really want steak? Is steak really good for you? Would it fucking kill you to eat some vegetables once in a while? Maybe you should just order some god damn broccoli for once. Wait how can you even be second guessing yourself? You know this is what you want. This is still what you want. Why are you trying to talk yourself out of the steak?? YOU DESERVE THIS. This is why we can’t have nice th-

HEY. HELLO, HI. I ASKED IF YOU WANT FRIES WITH YOUR BIG MAC

Oh. Um. Yeah. Supersize it. Or large or whatever just give me all of your calories.

So now you’re feeling all of the anxiety. All of the self doubt. All of the excitement. ALL OF THE FEELINGS. Stirred up for nothing by your silly monkey brain which may as well be named Pavlov and you’re standing in a line at McDonald’s drooling and panicking like an idiot.

Hey there toots, smoke another one while you’re at it. You’re gonna need it because P.S. your flight is delayed by an hour so CONGRATULATIONS YOU WIN 60 MORE THOUGHTS/AND OR FEELINGS ABOUT THE MATTER. In case you forgot the steak was a metaphor for leaving the country. I know. I was disappointed about that too. 

BUT HEY ON THE BRIGHT SIDE… You get to have all of these feelings all over again when your visa gets approved.

But then this thing happens… your flight takes off. And you rise above the grey crappy weather of where you’re at and realize it’s actually sunny up there all of the time. You remember that person you began this long journey for in the first place.

And for a moment, you have peace on the matter.

So, thank you for riding with Anxiety Airlines! Enjoy your flight.. AND DON’T FORGET HOW TO USE THE OXYGEN MASK OR WHERE THE EMERGENCY EXITS ARE AND HOLY SHIT AM I IN AN EMERGENCY EXIT AISLE I DONT KNOW IF I’M CAPABLE OF HELPING PEOPLE I CAN BARELY KEEP MY SHOES TIED OH GOD WHAT WAS THAT BUMP AN ENGINE FAILING? HELLO? ANYONE? I’M UNCOMFORTABLE.