Why I'm Probably Right

I kept waiting to make another entry in this blog in hopes that the next one would be HEY WE GOT GOOD NEWS

But instead we’re on 150 days (5 months) of waiting since we applied.

As a result of having first mistakenly told people I would be gone by the end of May and also that I’m a bartender and see a fair handful of people on a daily basis, I get about forty people a day asking me questions about our situation.

Let me begin by saying that I am extremely grateful when people take interest in this awful and drawn out process that we are going through to obtain a marriage visa, and by no means am I calling any of the questions that people ask dumb or annoying. I am totally open to answering people’s questions.

The true frustration lies in the fact that there are no good answers to these questions.

What is taking them so long?

hands palm up, shoulder shrug

Isn’t there a general time frame?

The website said 12 weeks, usually.

How long has it been?

20 weeks.

And one of the most frustrating questions of them all

Isn’t there ANYTHING you can do?

I wrote a letter…. bet that showed them.

People never leave these conversations satisfied, and neither do I. In fact they come back and ask again and again until it’s borderline compulsive and they become as frustrated as I am that I don’t have my visa yet.

So here’s the best way I could think of venting these frustrations.

In this entry, I’m going to make a list of the questions people ask, and not only will I list the serious shitty answer, but I will also offer a much more interesting but most likely fictitious explanation as well. This way there is some sort of resolve and people can have a little more finality.

We’ll start with one of my personal favorites

Can’t you just go over there while you’re waiting? Couldn’t you have applied from there?

No, if you apply from England whilst visiting on a tourist visa, they will deny your application, keep your $1500, and tell you to reapply and repay when you get back to your own country, and don’t let the door hit you on the way out, sucker.

I actually have to stay here until my trial is over, so it’s not all bad. As long as the felony charges don’t stick I should be over there in no time.

Is there any way to bribe them into going faster?

Unfortunately we missed the window to bribe them. They offer an option to expedite your visa for $500 more, but if they deny you, that’s another $500 that’s non refundable on top of the on refundable $1500 you’ve already paid, so we opted out. We were under the impression that it would take 3 months tops.

My husband is on that as we speak. We are going to offer them all of the Lucky Charms they could ever want (2 Boxes), a twelve pack of Mountain Dew, and American women. PS to my girl friends hope you have your passports hey gotta run think I hear the tea kettle loveyoubyeeeee.

Can’t you call or write a letter to one of your Senators?

Unfortunately the hold up is all on the UK’s end. Contacting an official here in the states won’t be of much help

Let’s just say we have a history. Awkwaaaard

With ALL of them??

Listen do you see me judging you for your shitty questions?

Can your husband come back over here to visit in the meantime?

He’s already used up all of his holiday time coming to see me, so we’ll have to wait till I get over there.

Yes but we like not having sex so it’s cool. Right honey?